I am sitting here while my youngest naps, and I am wondering where the time has gone. On one hand, it feels like I was just a kid myself. I vividly remember going on long walks to the back pond with my Grandma and Grandpa. I remember picking peaches, honeysuckles, and waiting very impatiently for my french toast to be made. And on the other hand, it feels like I’ve been the adult for as long as I can remember. I cannot imagine a life without my kids or husband.

Now I am the one making the french toast. I am the parent watching time slip by faster and faster. I wonder why as kids the time seems to inch by, but as the adult I can’t hold on for long enough. My daughter is now 2, and my grandparents have passed away. There are no more honeysuckles or long walks to the pond; but chasing toddlers, looking at homeschool curriculum, and cooking endlessly for the growing heard of children in our home has replaced my time.

These things I deeply love and enjoy, but there seems to be some mourning in the change. I want my baby to stay a baby, I want my Mimi to hold my hand again, I want to grow in faithfulness, and I want to feel protected and safe like I did as a child. I want all these things, and I want them now.

Lessons

I wonder what lesson God is trying to teach me in this. Is it the undertones of yearning for eternity? Maybe it’s the outpouring of desire for God to come and rescue us from the brokenness of this world. I’m not sure what it is, but I do know I will pour all my hope and trust into Him.

My daughter is growing up, the last tangible ties to my childhood passed on with my grandparents, and I do not feel equipped to be discipling children. All these emotions feel overwhelming. I feel like Jeremiah calling out in Lamentations. I am mixed with sadness, grief, gratefulness, love, admirations, and lamenting.

However, His words are truth. He is good. I am praying for peace in the coming year. God, please grant us peace in these times, and courage to always place our hope and trust in your truths.